I’m so lucky to have been a stay at home Mum for the past 16 years, devoting my energy and time to my two gorgeous boys and hubby. During these years I have struggled a lot with my self-confidence, telling myself stories that I am not interesting as a person as all I’ve done over the last 16 years is be a Mum, nobody is going to be interested in talking to me. This story was of course completely fictitious, and I realise now that I am so fortunate to have been able to do what I always wanted to do and that was to be a Mum and the best Mum I could be, for this I am truly grateful.
All I ever wanted was to be married and have a family, so when I married the man of my dreams and fell pregnant with my eldest Son, to say I was over the moon was an understatement. After Ben arrived so did my postnatal depression. This was an extremely lonely time for me, yes, I had all the love and support from people around me, so why was I feeling so low and lonely and felt as if everyone was judging me, I didn’t understand, and I pushed people away. Finally, I went to the doctors with my lovely Mum and I remember sitting in the room and just crying and crying, it was like someone had opened a flood gate. I have struggled since over the years with my hormones and have been on and off medication. I used to beat myself up over having to take medication and feeling a failure. I realise now that this was not my fault at all, but a chemical imbalance which is completely out of my control. The best piece of advice I can give is that if you have a headache you take a tablet to relieve the symptoms, so if medication helps you deal with every day life then it’s not a bad thing. Accepting this was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders.
My boys are now 16 and 13 and have reached a stage where they don’t need me in the same way they did. I felt lost, who am I, not Mum, Wife or Daughter, but who is Zoe Jones at this stage in my life? My confidence in being me was hidden deep deep inside. I decided that I wanted to do something for me as I felt unfulfilled, I needed a new purpose, but I lacked clarity and any direction, plus the fear element of doing something purely for me! So, six months ago I joined a programme designed for women to gain self-knowledge and understanding. This programme has helped me realise my true values and trust myself to make decisions and be at peace with the knowledge that it's ok to make myself a priority and that this is not selfish. I understand that my happiness has an impact on how happy my family is.
So now six months on I decided to be brave after a year deliberating and go for a complete change of career, setting up my own beauty business from home “my little baby” as I refer to it. I was so scared attending my first beauty treatment course but also exhilarated. I absolutely love my new career as it allows me to do something I enjoy, fitting it around my family, as my family are my world. I now come high up my priority list, not quite at the top as at the end of the day I am a Mum and my boys will always be my number one.